


Shattered Souls

by shipsinlove3



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Friendship/Love, Romantic Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26656387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipsinlove3/pseuds/shipsinlove3
Summary: Clarke has just done the unspeakable to the love of her life (her soulmate). Initially, she suffers from the guilt and consequences of her actions. But, what happens when she finds out that none of it was real? That Cadogan had sent both her and Bellamy into similar simulations as a test? Will she be able to forgive herself and how did Bellamy fair in his own simulation? This story has everything that makes Bellarke the amazing ship that they have been for the entire series. So, eventual Bellarke Endgame is a given.  Post 7x13 AU
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any characters, plots, or anything else pertaining to “The 100”. I've been a Bellarke fan forever and after the 7x13 episode, I felt like I needed to write a fanfiction. I know members of the Bellarke fandom, like myself, have been heartbroken over the way Bellarke ended. I wanted to make myself feel a little bit better and hopefully a few of you as well, with an alternate version of events. This will begin after "that terrible scene" at the end of 7x13 and will be AU from there. I hope all of you enjoy this Bellarke fanfiction.

Painful Musings

Clarke wonders if she’ll ever get out of this, if it’s even worth it now. She had killed Bellamy; no, she had killed someone that looked like Bellamy. But if that’s true, then why does she feel this ache in her chest, why does she feel more guilt than she’s ever felt before? Her tears are warm on her cheeks and as soon as she reaches the other side of the anomaly, she falls to her knees in anguish. Her body is wracked with sobs and she feels like she shot her own self in the heart. Killing Bellamy was like killing herself, the head without the heart can’t survive. _She soon finds herself having trouble breathing, but it’s the least she deserves for killing her soulmate, her love, her Bellamy._

Clarke isn’t sure how long she’s on the forest floor sobbing before she hears someone approaching her. The thought of her being unarmed on a foreign planet doesn’t cross her mind because she’s so consumed with grief, that she can’t find herself to care. “Clarke, what happened?” Her heart stops, immediately recognizing the voice. It’s the other Blake, no, the only Blake left. That thought intensifies the ache in her chest. She slowly lifts her head and meets Octavia’s eyes filled with both concern and confusion. How is she supposed to tell her what she just did? How is she supposed to convince her of the painful split-second decision to kill her brother? Clarke feels bile rise up in her throat and she feels like she’s going to be sick. A few moments tick by before she’s able to steady herself enough to speak. “When I was leaving Sanctum through the Anomaly, Bellamy…” She takes a sharp breath in, the tears beginning to blur her vision once more.

Clarke starts to feel like her breath is leaving her again but knows she has to tell her because she’s owes it to her, _to him_. “…he found out about Madi’s sketchbook…and he…” Another pause and this time, Octavia doesn’t let her get away with another momentary lapse. She knows Octavia’s smart and that there’s a very good chance that she may be executed for this confession, but she deserves her fate. “What did you do, Clarke?” Clarke can hear the anger and anguish in her voice, but she somehow finds a way to meet her eyes. “He wouldn’t…listen. I…did what I had to do.” The sadness in her eyes morphs into an anger she’s never seen before. A very tense moment passes, not a breath released between them. Clarke feels an even deeper ache in her chest, as she watches Octavia start to tear up. “How could you, Clarke? Bellamy trusted you and you just killed him. Didn’t he deserve more than that from you?” Clarke hates herself, more than she did after Mount Weather. She’s right, he did deserve better from her, and she had failed him. The head failed the heart. “I’m sorry, it was the only way…” Octavia stalks over to her and she watches her eyes blaze above her. “It wasn’t the only way, Clarke. Killing my big brother was not the answer. You could have tried harder to get through to him, we all could have. I blame myself for not trying to stop him that day in Bardo and make him see the truth about Cadogan. _He was my brother, my responsibility_.” She watches tears begin to fall down her cheeks and she feels her own tears continue falling. The familiar words creating a gaping hole within herself that she knows will never close without him.

For the next few moments, Clarke waits in agony for Octavia to continue, feeling completely dejected. How had she gotten here? How had they gotten here? The last time she had held Bellamy, truly held him, was that day after her mother was killed. He had been there to reassure her about her actions, to support her like he always had done. “How’d you do it?” Clarke’s breath catches and she’s knocked out of her reverie. Her eyes are unable to meet Octavia’s this time. “I…shot him.” Those three words send her into more uncontrollable sobs. Clarke can’t do this; she can’t face this. It’s too hard, too painful.

Clarke isn’t sure how long the silence passes between them but when she finally speaks, her words pierce her heart like a knife. “You know, Clarke. The saddest part of all this is that my brother always loved you. He was in love with you and you killed him. He’d do anything for you, including bringing you back to life. I was there and I saw how broken he was thinking you were dead. He deserved better from you, from me, from all of us.” With that, Octavia yanks Clarke to her feet and pulls her towards a bunker she spots in the distance. Clarke doesn’t fight her like she normally would because she has no fight inside of her left. So, they walk all the way to the bunker in complete silence, Octavia’s grip on her ironclad.

Clarke can’t help but take in how familiar the bunker looks. It’s similar to the one on Earth, but not exact. As they make it to the front hatch, Clarke spots Miller keeping guard and frowns. Yet, another person that loved Bellamy and it twists the knife further. She knows that everything, everyone, will remind her of Bellamy, and that it will be unbearable. “Whoah, whoah, Clarke, Octavia, what’s going on?” He looks between them for an answer, but Octavia doesn’t respond. “Step aside, Miller.” Miller shakes his head. “I haven’t seen you like this since Bloodreina. What the hell is going on?” Clarke feels Octavia tighten her grip on her even deeper before she answers. “I said step aside.” The tone in her voice makes Miller stiffen and whatever he sees in her eyes, makes him move to the side.

She feels Miller’s eyes move over to her, as Octavia pulls her past him to go inside. Clarke can’t bring herself to meet his eyes, feeling more shame and guilt for what she had just done. _Taking the life of someone that meant the world to her people, to her._ As Octavia continues to roughly drag her along, she wonders how her friends will look at her, how her daughter will look at her? She had convinced herself in the moment that she had shot Bellamy because she was protecting Madi, but would she see it that way? Would any of them? Because with each passing moment, as the adrenaline and shock are wearing off, she’s beginning to wonder if she did it for Madi at all. She had been angry, frustrated, and more than a little heartbroken. He had always been her rock, her safe haven, and then he just wasn’t. He wasn’t her Bellamy, but then, why did his sad glistening eyes haunt her now? Had her Bellamy still been in there, had Octavia been right when she said that she had given up on him? The ache in her heart becomes heavier and the tears continue, as Octavia moves through the main area of the bunker.

Her eyes scan the room, and everyone seems to be coexisting in harmony, far from what she left behind in Sanctum. As if the air changes in the room and she brings a storm with her, everyone stops what their doing, and looks between her and Octavia. It’s silent for a few tense moments, before she hears Madi’s voice fill the room. “Clarke, what’s going on?” The gaping hole inside of her opens wider, as her eyes shamefully lock with her daughter’s. Madi closes the distance, her eyes questioning, and filled with confusion. She hates that Madi is witnessing this, that there’s a chance that she may lose her daughter’s love for this. Her eyes start to fill up with fresh tears. “Madi, everything’s going to be okay. I love you.” With that, Octavia yanks her along once more. She can feel everyone’s eyes on her, as she’s taken down the hall, and thrown into a holding cell. _Clarke hits the ground hard but barely registers the ache that’s beginning to throb in her left arm because she knows that this is her punishment for killing the man she loved, her heart, her Bellamy._


	2. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any characters, plots, or anything else pertaining to “The 100”. This chapter was really a rough and challenging one to write. It’s hard to imagine how the real Clarke, seasons 1-6, would handle this OOC decision she made. But I think I was able to tap into her emotions, while also setting up the plot for the rest of the story. I hope you enjoy the way I’ve decided to take this fanfiction. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.

Clarke lies down in the middle of the cell, feeling more than a little broken, more than a little lost. Since Octavia had thrown her in here, a few hours before, she has only had her thoughts to mull over. She’s not surprised that no one’s come by to see her since she got here. She can’t blame them after what she did. Bellamy had meant something different to all of them, he had been vital in saving their people since landing on Earth, he had been vital in saving her. Clarke takes a sharp breath in feeling the tears gathering up in her eyes. That’s the part that makes her heart ache the most, the part that haunts her most. Bellamy had saved her more times than she could count and had always tried to believe in her. Yet, she had repaid him by not believing in him, and killing him in cold blood.

Clarke’s heart aches and her tears flow down her cheeks. She doesn’t think she’s cried this much since landing on Earth. Clarke would go back and change things if she could, stop herself from breaking her own heart by killing Bellamy, but she can’t. She had made the decision and it had been the wrong one. Clarke had followed her head and what she felt was the right move, instead of her heart. Both were pulling her into two different directions. At the time, she had wrongly thought that the choice was between her love for Madi or her love for Bellamy. While she loves them both desperately, Madi was just a child, and she once again incorrectly thought that if the roles were reversed, Bellamy would have put his love for Octavia first over her.

Of course, now as she lies here mulling over everything, she knows that Madi wasn’t in any immediate danger, that they could have figured things out together. Even though they were on opposing sides, they would have eventually found some common ground because that’s how it always worked between them. Clarke suddenly hears a loud clank and sits up to see the cell door opening. Octavia appears in her Bloodreina outfit looking ready to fight a war, maybe against her. Her eyes follow her, as she comes to stand over her. Their eyes meet and a shiver runs down her spine. “I’ve talked to the others and Cadogan. We’ve all decided to bring Bellamy’s body back here for a proper burial. My brother doesn’t deserve how you left him alone among strangers. You’re coming with me and Cadogan, let’s go.” Unlike earlier when she had dragged her to the cell, Octavia looks as if she’s emotionally exhausted. Underneath the Bloodreina exterior, she can see that she’s hurting just as much as she is over Bellamy’s death. Clarke takes a steadying breath before forcing herself off the floor and preparing to face everyone on the other side. She doesn’t expect forgiveness when she could never forgive herself.

As she follows Octavia out of the room, she does her best to put on the façade she’s perfected since her mother died. She has to be strong for everyone, even though she is breaking inside. Clarke’s felt like a shell of who she used to be since her death and now she doesn’t have anyone telling her that it’s going to be okay. Bellamy was that person and now he’s gone because of her. The ache in her chest intensifies once more, as they start down the hall, and towards the main room of the bunker. It takes them only a few moments to get there but the scene she’s met with is sobering. Everyone is sitting in a circle on the ground, excluding Cadogan who is watching on in disgust, with tears and emotions running high. A few are smiling sadly, and it looks as if they are all mourning Bellamy together. The knife twists deeper inside her chest when she catches her daughter’s voice filling the room. “When everyone thought Clarke was dead after Josephine took over her body, Bellamy came to me to tell me what happened. He gave me a hug and told me that everything was going to be okay…” she watches her daughter trail off, tears in her eyes. “That was my favorite memory of him because it was at that moment that I realized he was exactly like I heard in all the stories about him. He had the biggest heart that I’d ever seen, and he loved his people.” Madi lifts up her cup and the rest follow suit. “To Bellamy, may we meet again.” They all clink their glasses together and Clarke feels the tears falling down her cheeks in response.

When the group turns to look at them, everyone looks at Clarke with a mix of anger and sadness. Everyone except Echo, who looks like she’s ready to murder her if she moves another step. And she understands the hostility and knows that she will have to live with what she’s done for the rest of her life, no matter how long it is. Clarke doesn’t know what to say or do, the only thing that comes out of her mouth is a painful “I’m sorry.” Several moments of silence pass before she hears Echo speak out. “He would have done anything for you, Clarke, anything. I hope there’s a special kind of hell waiting for you.” Clarke can’t help the sob that escapes her throat, but she does manage to muster out. “I’m already there.” With that, she turns away from the group, and follows Octavia to meet Cadogan before they leave the bunker, and head towards the Anomaly location. Clarke knows that there’s no forgiveness she’ll give herself or the others will give her. Because there’s only one person that has ever shown her any kind of forgiveness, no matter what she’s done, and that person was Bellamy Blake.

Clarke takes a sharp breath in as they continue to make their way across the room and approach Cadogan. She hates the look of annoyance on his face. It’s as if all of this is an inconvenience for him, as if they are just cogs in a bigger wheel. He’d treated Bellamy in that way and now he’s doing the same to the rest of them. The anger in her begins to rise again. How did he manage to hold all the power? When they reach him and his eyes land on her, she has to restrain herself from saying something, and endangering the rest of her people. She can’t afford to lose anyone else, even though she just lost one of the two most important people in her life. “Hello Miss Griffin.” He then turns to look at Octavia. “Hello Miss Blake, are we ready to leave?” Octavia nods and they exit the bunker and begin their long trek into the woods.

Clarke trails behind them trying to steady her galloping heart. She’s doing her best not to think about Bellamy, lying there on the cold hard floor, alone, and just shot by the person he trusted the most. Clarke feels the tears burning in her eyes and she’s not sure she has the strength enough to see him like that a second time. He had deserved better after everything they had been through, even if he was lost. Clarke wipes at the tears as they begin to fall from her eyes, as they reach the Anomaly. She knows she can’t let Cadogan see her weakness because she still has the rest of her friends’ lives in her hands. Cadogan takes a few moments to set the Anomaly stone’s coordinates and they all go through.

Clarke waits with bated breath, as they travel through the Anomaly. The notion that she’s about to see Bellamy again makes her sick to her stomach. And not for the first time she wonders how she could have pulled that trigger? She closes her eyes briefly, trying to pull herself together. _Clarke knows she has to face this; she has to face what she’s done to the man she loved. The man she’ll always love._ She takes a steadying breath before she opens her eyes to see a figure in white lying on the floor. Her heart aches, as they get closer. The disciple that she had tried to shoot before entering the Anomaly was pulling Bellamy’s body away, more than likely, ready to burn it. Clarke looks away, once again feeling the bile rise in her throat, as they step out of the Anomaly. “My Shephard.” She hears him say, breaking her out of her thoughts. Despite this, Clarke is still unable to look at Bellamy lying lifeless on the ground. “Disciple Foster, I will take this from here.” There’s a beat before the disciple responds. “As you wish, my Shepheard.” Footsteps are heard walking away and Clarke can feel her heart clench. “Clarke, I need your help moving Bellamy.” Octavia commands, with a tone mixed with sadness and anger.

Clarke does her best to will herself to move forward, but she’s frozen in place. A few moments tick by before she feels Octavia grab her roughly by the arm to get her attention. “What’s the matter, Clarke? You can’t face what you’ve done?” Clarke looks at Octavia, anger building up inside again. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Octavia. I can’t take back what I did, I can’t…” she trails off as her eyes catch Bellamy’s lifeless ones. The ache in her chest radiates and she feels herself fall to her knees. God, this is too much for her to bare _. She can’t do any of this, not without him._ Clarke begins to sob looking at the man that has meant everything to her for so many years. It’s in this moment that she doesn’t care that Cadogan and Octavia are standing close by, impatiently waiting for her to complete the task at hand. _It’s just her and him, the head and the heart, together._

Without thinking, Clarke puts her head on his chest, praying that his familiar heartbeat fills her ears once again. She remembers how she used to love when they hugged, and how he held her close to his chest. The sound of his steady heartbeat had never failed to calm her nerves. She has always savored those moments with him and now they are gone. Clarke could no longer find safety in his arms and the reality of that hits her hard when she doesn’t hear the steady thrum of his heart. It’s the deafening silence that finally destroys her. Breaks her into so many pieces that she knows she’ll never be able to put herself back together again. Not without him, not without her Bellamy. “It’s a shame, Miss Griffin, that you killed Bellamy. If you had shot him anywhere else, he may have been saved. The Anomaly would have healed him.” Her breath catches and she reluctantly lifts her head off his cold chest.

Her eyes lock with Cadogan’s and she feels the anger rise again. “What did you say?” Cadogan gives her a smile and it makes her blood boil. “You had a chance to save Bellamy. The Anomaly heals wounds that aren’t fatal. If you had shot Bellamy anywhere else, you could have brought him into the Anomaly, and saved his life.” Clarke glares at Cadogan before quickly getting to her feet. Had he just said that she could have saved Bellamy? The words he just spoke swirl around in her mind, haunting her. She turns her attention to Octavia. “Did you know about this?” She gives her a nod. “It’s what happened to me when I came out of the Anomaly the first time. I was injured but managed to come back out on the other side unscathed.” Clarke’s blood continues to boil, as she locks eyes with Octavia. “And you didn’t think that was something I should know about?” Clarke watches how the burgeoning anger in her eyes explodes and she ends up standing in front of her. “Don’t put that blame on me. I never thought that you’d murder my brother in cold blood after all you’ve been through together. I thought you cared about him like he did you. I guess I was wrong.” she says with venom.

Clarke feels the anger inside of her intensifies, as she closes the little bit of distance left between them. “I did care about him, more than anything. There’s nothing left of me. I did the one thing I swore I’d never do. I killed him and I have to live with that…” Clarke trails off, as a bright light engulfs her. She watches as Octavia disappears and then turns to Cadogan. “What’s happening?” He gives her a smile and she once again, feels the bile rise inside her throat. “What you see in front of you, Clarke, is the light. It’s what Bellamy saw while he was on Ethera.” Clarke stares at him in confusion. “Why are you showing me this?” There’s a pause before a familiar voice calls out to her. “Because he wanted you to understand Transcendence.” Clarke’s breath catches, as she turns around to see Bellamy come out of the bright light. “Bellamy…how?” He comes closer to her and she can see the tears threatening to fall. Her heart aches at the sight because it was the same way he had looked at her right before she had shot him. “Clarke look at me. I know you did what you thought was right for Madi. But you have to know that I’d never hurt her or you. You both mean a lot to me.” She hesitantly locks eyes with him and despite the pain in her heart, it does a little flip. “Bellamy…I’m sorry. I should have found another way…” It’s at this moment that Bellamy wraps his strong arms around her, with more love than she deserves. “This is for the good of all Mankind. Come into the light with me, Clarke.” Her breath catches again, and she instantly knows something is off. So, Clarke quickly backs away from Bellamy, and shakes her head. “You’re not him.” Fake Bellamy gives her a small smile. “That’s right, Miss Griffin, that’s not Bellamy.” says Cadogan somewhere out of view. Suddenly, everything around her disappears, and she feels like she’s falling into an abyss of nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please feel free to review, I really appreciate the feedback.


	3. A Test of Emotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any characters, plots, or anything else pertaining to “The 100”. First off, thanks for the great reviews, kudos, and general response to this story. I really appreciate all the feedback. This chapter had me diving deep into a vast array of emotions. I hope you enjoy this new installment!

She’s not sure how long she’s in that state before her eyes open to find Cadogan standing above her. Clarke tries to get up, but she’s strapped down. “Welcome back, Miss Griffin.” Her eyes take a moment to look around the room and she quickly realizes that she’s not on Sanctum or that other planet he took them to. Her eyes then come back to Bill. “Why are we back on Bardo?” His eyes are indifferent when he says. “This was a simulation, a test if you will. You put your individual love for Bellamy aside, but you didn’t do it for all Mankind or for the last war. You took his life to save your daughter. I’m afraid you failed.” Clarke’s heart constricts. A simulation? A test? If none of it was real, then that means. She locks eyes with him. “Is Bellamy alive?” Bill nods his head. “I’m afraid he failed his test as well. You both were faced with a similar scenario, but he had to choose between our beliefs and killing you. Unfortunately, unlike you, he couldn’t pull the trigger. His love for you couldn’t be broken, we feared that it would be the case. Bellamy is many things, but his love for you is part of who he is. It will always be his downfall.” Clarke feels the sting of tears in her eyes and she hates showing her weakness in front of him, but she can’t help it.

The thought of Bellamy not being able to shoot her makes her heart ache. What would he think about her decision? It breaks her heart. Her eyes find Cadogan once more. “Where’s Bellamy?” Bill shakes his head. “After his failure, we sent him to the main room, so he could prepare for the next simulation. Since you both failed your last test, I’ve decided to connect your subconscious minds together, and send you to that Earth-like planet you saw in your simulation.” Her heart sinks at seeing Bellamy after what she’d just done in her last simulation. Would he even speak to her once he found out? “What about the rest of our people?” Cadogan gives a her fake smile. “They will remain here. I promise they will be safe.” Clarke doesn’t trust him but she’s not sure what other choice she has at this point.

Clarke sighs to herself in frustration. “Fine, send me there.” Cadogan gives her a nod and then he releases her from the restraints. Clarke gets up and still feels a bit disoriented. She follows him out into the hall and towards the main room along with his two guards. Clarke feels a wave of fear wash over her, as they get closer to the main room. _To Bellamy_. She’s not sure how she’s going to explain her decision in killing him in the simulation, even if it wasn’t true. Clarke had not only failed the test but had failed him as well. When they reach the main room, Clarke spots Bellamy instantly, and she has to stop herself from running towards him. His eyes meet hers and she feels like she’s dreaming.

Bellamy has been stripped of his white robes and is now in the clothes that he arrived in. He looks so much like her Bellamy; it makes her heart ache. The guards lead her next to Bellamy’s side and she wishes more than anything that she could reach out and touch him right now, but she knows she can’t do that. Pain again radiates within her heart at the thought. Clarke takes a sharp breath in, as Cadogan steps in front of them. “You both disappoint me. You had the opportunity to help us in the Last War, but you chose the selfish love you have for your people. I expected more from you, Disciple Blake. We are sending you to that Earth-like Planet.” Clarke glares at Cadogan. “And let me guess, you expect us to pass your test this time?” Cadogan gives her a smug smile not answering the question. She hates how he pulls the strings in every direction, like they are all his puppets.

Clarke watches Cadogan walk over to put in the proper code to open the bridge. It’s at this moment that she feels a familiar pair of eyes burn into her. She turns to see the sadness and uncertainty in them. God, she’s still amazed of how much emotion his eyes can convey, everything he’s feeling right to his soul. She wonders how she could have ever killed, let alone hurt, this man beside her. Clarke feels a sickness at the pit of her stomach. “Mr. Blake, Miss Griffin, it’s time to go through.” They both rip their eyes from each other, and the guards push them forward. Clarke takes one last look at Cadogan before they both go through the Anomaly.

It takes them a few minutes to travel through the Anomaly. Clarke is doing her best to maintain her composure, as they reach their destination. While she’s more than happy that Bellamy is alive, she’s terrified to tell him about what happened. _She can’t lose him again, she can’t._ “Clarke, are you okay?” She turns to see Bellamy standing beside her, looking more than a little worried about her. Again, reminding her of _her_ Bellamy. “I’m fine.” she says, trying to brush him off. Clarke begins her trek through the familiar woods, not quite sure what to expect. As usual, Cadogan hadn’t elaborated on what kind of test they would be facing. “Clarke, stop a second.” She stops mid-step and turns to watch him approach her. Clarke can’t believe how surreal all of this is. Bellamy looking similar to the way he looked before Praimfya. Smooth shaven, with those determined eyes, she used to get lost in. It’s as if time hasn’t passed, but she knows differently. She knows what she did. When he stops, he’s in a defensive stance. Clarke can see the tension in his shoulders and she truly feels the depth of the gulf that has grown between them over the last day. She never thought they’d have to endure this type of tension again, the kind that made them full of resentment and anger towards each other. They had been through this when he had put the Flame in Madi’s head, and they had found a way to forgive each other. Clarke isn’t convinced they will be able to reach the same conclusion this time and that thought makes the knife in her heart twist a little deeper. “We should come up with a plan. I say we head to the bunker and gather some supplies. Then we can decide which direction we want to go.” Clarke gives him a nod, sensing a deeper meaning embedded in his words. Will they be able to forgive each other, work together to pass the test, or will they remain on opposing sides for good? She doesn’t even want to think about the ladder. “Okay, I agree, let’s go.” Bellamy gives her a nod, and the two start making their way in the direction of the bunker.

The silence that follows cuts her deep and she hates it. Her and Bellamy have always been able to talk to each other, to work _together_ , now they feel like they’re complete strangers. God, what she wouldn’t give for one of his attempts at a joke, and the adorable smirk he used to give her afterwards. Clarke feels a tear start to well up and does her best to suppress it. She knows she can’t do this right now, breakdown over everything they’ve lost, over everything _she’s_ lost. “You know, this isn’t what I wanted.” Clarke sighs to herself and then turns to him. “How else did you see this playing out, Bellamy? We’re on different sides of this.” Bellamy stops suddenly and his eyes lock with hers. “I’m still on your side, Clarke _. I’ve always been on your side._ I just believe that this is the way to save everyone. I’m tired of war and fighting. I’ve embraced the light and transcendence. I wish I could make you see that.” Clarke feels a mix of frustration and anger wash over her. “And I wish I could make you see how much it hurts that you’ve turned your back on _me_ , on all of us.” She watches Bellamy sigh, while running his hands through his dark hair. After a beat, his eyes find hers again. “I just told you that I’m on your side, on everyone we loves’ side, but I just have a different way of going about it.” Clarke feels tears start to fill her eyes. “Please make me understand how we got here?” She watches Bellamy’s eyes fill with anger. “I went to Ethera and it changed me. I can’t explain it, but I felt it. It changed the way I see everything. I’ve already told you all this, Clarke. I don’t know what else to say to make you understand why I’ve joined Cadogan.” She feels the tears fall down her cheeks and whatever’s left of her heart breaks. “Did it change the way you see me?” Bellamy’s eyes burn into hers and it looks like she just broke a piece of his heart too. “How could you think that?” Clarke hates this, hates what they’ve become. “I don’t know, Bellamy. Maybe it’s because you decided to put all your belief in Cadogan and stopped believing in what we were trying to accomplish together.” He shakes his head. “That’s not true, Clarke. I still believe in you; I just wish you still believed in me.” Clarke feels like she’s been kicked in the stomach. She’s always tried her best to believe in him, but since he returned from space, she has to admit, that it’s been a lot harder to trust him completely. It may have had to do with what happened with putting the Flame in Madi or that their relationship had shifted considerably. “I’m trying to understand, Bellamy. But I also need you to understand that Cadogan doesn’t care if you live or die, if we all live or die. But I do.” Clarke lets that sink in for a few moments, surprised that she had let that slip. Of course, she cares, shooting him in the last simulation, had been a mistake she still achily regrets.

She watches as a tear falls down Bellamy’s cheek. She hates seeing him cry, it makes her chest ache. “I know you do, Clarke. But you have to know that I do care if you live or die too. It’s the reason I wasn’t able to shoot you in the simulation…” He trails off, more tears streaming down his cheeks. She watches Bellamy turn away from her, looking into the vast woods to his left. How is she supposed to tell him that she had chosen to kill him? That she had shot him in cold blood, then left him on the floor dead and alone? Clarke feels a fresh batch of tears fall down her cheeks. She wonders if they’ll ever be able to repair what’s been damaged between them, salvage the best friendship, partnership, and deep-seated love they’ve always felt for each other. Clarke knows whatever test Cadogan has planned for them, it couldn’t be anymore daunting or heartbreaking than this moment right now. 


	4. Intertwined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any characters, plots, or anything else pertaining to “The 100”. Thanks to everyone that took the time to review and leave Kudos for this fanfiction, I really appreciate the support for this story. I enjoyed writing this chapter, it's filled with some great Bellarke angst, that I loved creating. Hope You Enjoy!

Clarke is feeling completely miserable on their silent walk to the bunker. Before he chose to follow Cadogan, Bellamy had always been by her side, it was them against the rest of the world. Now, he’s walking so far ahead of her, it makes her heart ache. _She’s never felt this distant from him, this disconnected._ Even when she had been left behind on Earth alone after Praimfya and he was up in space, she had always felt close to him. In her mind, distance hadn’t existed between them because they were always connected _. Their souls were inexplicably intertwined._

Clarke sighs as they reach the door of the bunker. It’s strange being back here without the rest of their friends and even stranger that this was the place they had all grieved him. She watches as Bellamy opens the door easily and makes his way inside. Clarke feels a pang in her chest that he hadn’t even bothered to turn around, once again proving how much distance there is between them. She takes a steadying breath before following him inside. As she enters the main room, she spots Bellamy beginning to scan the bunker, trying to find supplies. He’s on his own mission, one she’s clearly not apart of. The knife in her heart twists deeper, as he disappears out of view, and down one of the hallways. Clarke sighs in frustration again before launching into her own search _. Maybe they can talk after they collect everything, maybe they can get on the same page._

She searches nearly an hour, finding some food rations, a map, and thankfully a bottle of liquor hiding behind the food supply. Clarke really needs a drink right now, especially with things so tense between her and Bellamy. As she brings the supplies she found back to the main room, her eyes land on Bellamy in the middle, taking inventory of what he found. She makes her way over to him and puts the supplies she found in a separate pile without saying anything. As Clarke begins taking inventory, she hears Bellamy’s voice fill the silence. “Clarke…I don’t want things to be like this between us.” Clarke hesitantly turns to face him. He’s looking at her with pain in his eyes and she feels her heart break even more. “Like what, Bellamy? You’re shutting me out. I don’t know how to be around you like this.” She watches as Bellamy runs his hand through his hair. “I’m not shutting you out, I just don’t know how to handle any of this either. Being on different sides has never worked for us.” Clarke gives him a nod. “You have the power to change that.” She watches anger begin to flare up on his handsome face. “And your way is always right.” Clarke watches him cross his arms over his chest and she feels the anger start boiling to the surface. “Yes, Bellamy, my way is how we save our friends, our people. Saving them used to be important to you.” She watches hurt cross his face for a few moments before morphing back into anger.

She hates seeing him angry, but they need to settle this. “It still is important to me. I’ve risked my life countless times to save you…to save our people…and what has it gotten me?” Clarke feels her anger turn to rage, as she closes the distance between them. “Right, because saving human lives just isn’t enough of an ego booster for you.” Bellamy’s eyes start burning into hers. “This has nothing to do with my ego. It has nothing to do with me or you. It has to do with the fate of all humanity.” Clarke feels herself being consumed with anger and she can’t hold back any longer. _She needs to get through to him and she needs to do it now._

Clarke locks eyes with him, not backing down. “If I hear that it’s to save all humanity one more time, I’m going to lose it. The real Bellamy wouldn’t buy into this, _he would put me first_. _Would put his people first.”_ She watches him flinch at her words and she’s glad that it looks like she’s starting to get through to him. Clarke steps a little closer, now mere inches from his face. “I know the guy that used to be by my side always, who helped me save our people countless times, and…I know the heart to my head is still in there somewhere.” She watches as tears begin to fill his eyes and she knows that she’s getting close to a breakthrough. “I’m not giving up on that guy, I’m not giving up on you.” she says, with so much emotion, her heart aches.

For the next few moments, a silence follows between them, only their mingling breaths can be heard. Clarke notices Bellamy glance at her lips a few times and it makes her pulse quicken. How could he still have this effect on her after everything that’s happened between them recently? She watches as his features begin to soften and the tears start to fall down his cheeks. Clarke internally breathes a sigh of relief because it looks like she’s made the first step in getting her Bellamy back, the man she loves with everything she has.

When he begins to sob, she quickly wraps her arms around him firmly, letting him know that she’s with him, that she’s not going anywhere. _He’s her heart and she can’t survive without him._ A few moments tick by before he pulls back slightly. “When I was on Ethera, I had nothing to believe in, nothing to keep me going.” The hopelessness in his voice makes her heart break all over again. “I resisted Doucette’s belief in Transcendence for months, but I got to the point, where _I needed to believe in something._ Without a purpose, I felt…” She continues his thought. “Lost.” He gives her a sad nod. “When I finally decided to give in and embrace Transcendence, we were saved. I knew seeing my mother was real and the belief in Transcendence because I could _feel_ it. I can’t compare it to anything else, but I finally felt like I was found.” Clarke feels the tears pouring down her cheeks, as she realizes just how hopeless, and alone Bellamy must have felt. She shivers at the thought of him on the verge of ending his life, just like she had been on the verge, when she had pulled out that gun after Praimfya.

Her eyes lock with his. “I believe what you’re saying, Bellamy, I do. I was in the same exact position after Praimfya. Without our people…without you, I felt no reason to go on.” Clarke stops then, when she notices Bellamy freeze at her words. He’s staring at her with so much guilt, it makes the knife in her heart twist once again. A beat passes between them before she hears Bellamy’s deep voice. “You never told me much of what happened to you after Praimfya. I mean, I know that you were able to find a way to survive by yourself, until you found Madi, but that’s it. Clarke…when you say you felt like you had no reason to go on…did you mean you…almost ended it all?” She visibly gulps back a new batch of tears, as she has to turn away from his penetrating gaze. Clarke can’t seem to meet his eyes any longer because she doesn’t think she has the strength to tell him the truth.

Another few moments of silence between them passes before she feels Bellamy touch the side of her cheek and pull her focus to him. Her breath catches at all the love she sees illuminating for her in his eyes. She’s never felt closer to him than at this moment. “I’m sorry I wasn’t by your side during that time. I regret not staying behind with you every day. I spent my time in space hating myself for it. Hearing that you had so little hope that you felt like you had to end it all makes me feel like I failed you.” Clarke watches the guilt in his expression intensify and knows she has to say something. “Bellamy, hey, you didn’t fail me. I made those radio calls to you because it made me feel a little bit of hope that I’d see you again. Don’t you get it, Bellamy, you’ve always inspired hope in me.” She feels her tears continuing to cascade down her cheeks, as Bellamy wipes the tears from his own eyes, and gives her that sexy smirk she’s always loved. “So, that’s the real reason you radioed me all those years?” Clarke gives him a tearful nod but knows that’s not the whole truth.

_Of course, he’s always inspired hope in her, but she also radioed him because she couldn’t imagine living her life without him in some way._ “Clarke.” She does her best to give him a small smile. “Yeah.” She watches as his expression turns serious once again. “I want us to figure this out between us.” Clarke gives him a nod. “I want that too, Bellamy.” A look of relief washes over his handsome features before his smirk appears again. “So, truce.” he says, with more hope in his voice than she’s heard in a long time. “Truce.” she says, before they turn back, to set to work again on their piles.

They decide to start over and put everything they collectively found in one pile. This is how they usually work, so they spend the next hour sorting through all the supplies they had found. At the end of it, they gather a great deal of rations that will last them for days, a few guns and ammunition, a strange compass that looks like it would be useful, but suspiciously seemed out of place here, one blanket they could use when they make their journey, and the map that Clarke had found. All in all, they are satisfied with what they had found. Whatever Cadogan has in store for them, at least they are prepared for the elements.

After they finish, Clarke turns to Bellamy who has a smile on his face. She’s not sure if he’s so happy because they’ve called a truce or if it’s something else entirely, that makes him look like _her Bellamy_ again, but she decides she doesn’t care. _All that matters is that he’s starting to come back to her._ He must feel her gaze on him because he turns to meet her eyes. “I think it’s time we got that drink.” She watches him nod in the direction of the liquor she had found earlier and can’t help but smile. Clarke turns back to him, feeling lighter than she’s felt in years. “I guess I have nowhere to run this time, so let’s have that drink.” Bellamy’s smirk widens, as Clarke walks over to grab the liquor from the pile. _The two head to the canteen to get that long promised drink together._


	5. Intoxicating Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any characters, plots, or anything else pertaining to “The 100”. Thanks to everyone who left Kudos for this story so far, I really appreciate your support. This chapter was a very fun one to write because Bellamy and Clarke are finally having that long awaited drink and let’s just say, some important things regarding their relationship are revealed. I hope you enjoy this chapter, as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Clarke pours herself a drink before raising her glass to Bellamy’s to make a toast. “To making amends and forging a new future together.” Bellamy gives her a smirk, as they clink their glasses together. Her heart does a flip in response and she knows that alcohol may not be the best way for her to make amends with him. She also knows it has a way of loosening a person’s innermost thoughts, which is the real reason why she’s never sat, and had this drink with Bellamy. “Clarke, what are you thinking?” Her eyes find his and she shakes her head. “Nothing…I just need to tell you something before we drink too much for me to say it.” Clarke watches as his gaze widens, then intensifies in a way she’s only seen a few times before. She knows this won’t be easy, but she needs to get this out.

Clarke takes a sharp breath in before starting. “While I was in the simulation, I made a choice, one that I regret now.” Her eyes lock with his and she can see the pain now etched within them. She knows Bellamy knows her better than anyone else in the world, so she’s not surprised that he’s already anticipated what she’s going to say next. “I’m so sorry, Bellamy. I…killed you in the simulation.” She watches as a mix of anger, confusion, and something that looks a lot like heartache flash over his handsome features. She feels the knife already embedded deep within her heart twisting again. A silence between them follows, as Clarke waits with bated breath for him to say something, anything. She feels the tears welling up in her eyes, as she takes a swig of the liquor in front of her. God, she’s never hated herself more than she does right at this moment.

Clarke isn’t sure how long they sit in silence with her drinking and avoiding his burning gaze on her. But, when his voice finally fills the air, she feels her heart stop. “Why’d you do it?” She takes a shuddering breath, playing with the empty glass in front of her, before answering through the tears now cascading down her cheeks. “I thought I was saving, Madi. I thought it was something that needed to be done…” Clarke sighs to herself before gathering up the nerve to meet his red rimmed eyes across the table. “I thought I lost you, Bellamy. I thought I lost you.” It’s all she can say, all that she can bring herself to say, as she grabs the half empty bottle of liquor, and pours herself another full glass. She hears Bellamy let out a sigh across the table. “I thought you said that I was your family, that you’d never forget that.” She can hear the pain and anger within his voice, and it breaks her heart even more to hear it. How could she have been so stupid?

Clarke takes another long sip, nearly draining the rest of the glass before she finds her voice again. “I screwed up, Bellamy. I thought that I couldn’t trust you anymore.” She somehow manages to look over at him, and watches as he finishes the entire glass of his liquor. Another beat of silence passes between them before Bellamy’s voice rings out. “You know, Clarke. I’ve always believed in you, even if I didn’t believe in what you did. I thought you’d do the same for me.” Clarke feels her breath catch and somehow finds her voice again. “Bellamy…” His eyes suddenly lock with hers and she can see the anger there.

It reminds her of that day she came to see him in Arkadia after the war he had been advocating to start alongside Pike. Clarke knows he’s hurting right now but masking it with anger, just like he did that day. “No, Clarke, I’m tired of doing this with you. You’ve made it clear that you really don’t care about me, that you never have. It’s always been about you and your pain. But what about me and my pain?” Clarke sits frozen, her heart aching inside her chest, as she watches the tears continue escaping Bellamy’s mesmerizing eyes. She notices him reach for the bottle this time instead of pouring another glass and take a big swig out of it.

Clarke has no idea what he wants her to say. She had made a mistake, but she can’t take it back. No matter how hard she wants to, she can’t reverse the simulation. She can’t make things any better, which is the part that stings the most. Clarke has to turn away from Bellamy because she can’t bear to see the unbearable pain, she’s caused him. So, she waits once again for him to say something, anything to her. Clarke knows that it’s late and they aren’t due to leave until morning, but she’s half tempted to run. It’s what she did after Mt. Weather and when she left Bellamy in the fighting pits to die, and it’s what she wants to do now. _She realizes that she’s always running away from Bellamy._

With this realization, she takes a sharp breath in, doing her best to stop the new tears threatening to fall down her cheeks. She suddenly hears Bellamy voice again across the table. “I brought you back to life, Clarke. I proved to you time and time again that I would always put you first, and the thanks I got was you killing me.” says Bellamy in anger, masking the sadness eating away at his soul. Clarke begins to sob over all the things they should have had together, all the things that they deserved after all the hell they’ve been through. _She realizes that there is one last thing left to say, one thing she should have said over a century ago._

Clarkes stops sobbing and bravely locks eyes with Bellamy across the table. She can see that he’s as drunk as she feels right now. Clarke knows deep in her heart that it’s now or never. “Bellamy…I love you.” she blurts out in a rush and watches Bellamy’s expression twist into something that looks like surprise. Clarke can see she’s having an effect on him, so she continues forward. “I love you so much, Bellamy… I…” she hears her voice begin to break but she pushes on. “It was the biggest mistake of my life…killing you…” she trails off again, the emotion she’s feeling too much for her to bear.

Her eyes avert from Bellamy’s pained ones to the empty glass in front of her once more. The silence soon settles again between them and she feels like she’s dying inside. It’s only when the familiar warmth of Bellamy’s strong arms wrap around her, that she’s brought back to reality. He’d somehow managed to come across the table and sit beside her on the long bench, close enough to wrap his arms around her. Clarke relishes the moment by burying her head into his chest and hearing the erratic beat of his heart.

They sit there a few moments before she hears Bellamy’s deep voice fill the space. “Clarke…I love you too and have for a long time now. Every day we were in space, I’d look down at Earth, hating myself for never telling you how I felt. I…just thought…we’d have more time.” Clarke releases Bellamy from her grasp, just enough to meet his tearful eyes. “I called you everyday on that radio because I couldn’t imagine my life without you. It wasn’t just to keep me sane, but I couldn’t tell you that, after I saw you together with Echo, when you came back.” Bellamy looks at her with a sad smile and complete understanding in his eyes, that makes her heart skip a beat. She realizes for the first time in over a century, the two have found a sense of peace between them. As this thought passes through Clarke’s mind, Bellamy’s lips suddenly meet hers. It’s soft at first, but soon the two find themselves completely lost in each other, and _she knows in her heart, that she’s finally done running from the man she loves._


	6. Fairytales and Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any characters, plots, or anything else pertaining to “The 100”. First off, I'm sorry it's taken me a bit more time than usual to update my Bellarke stories on this site, I apologize. It's been a chaotic few weeks with the holidays and all. That being said, I'm pretty proud of the following chapter and I hope you enjoy.

Clarke’s heart feels complete, as the two finish kissing, and pull back to look at each other. Bellamy’s eyes are so full of love, it makes her heart skip a beat. The way he’s looking at her now, like she’s the center of his universe is everything to her. _It’s all she’s ever wanted; all she’s ever needed._ After another moment passes, Bellamy gives her that handsome smile of his, that always makes her heart warm. “I’ve been wanting to do that a long time.” he says, his smile growing impossibly larger. She gives him a small smile in return, having trouble trying to get any coherent thoughts, when he’s looking at her like this. “Me too, even before I knew how I felt about you, I’ve wanted to do that.” She watches as his smile quickly turns into a smirk. “How far back are we talking?” he asks cockily, reminding her of the Bellamy she met back on Earth so long ago. He had initially irritated her with his overconfidence and disregard for order, but, as she got to know him, she saw that it was all a façade. Deep inside, he was just a boy who risked everything to save his sister and keep her safe. He had a good heart and it’s what led them to make such great leaders together.

Her smile brightens a little at his question. “After Mount Weather, when I saw that you were safe, despite the mistake I had made in letting you go there on the inside.” _Clarke lets that settle over Bellamy for a moment, as she thinks back at the relief, she felt in seeing him again, safe and whole._ She had sacrificed Bellamy to show Lexa that she wouldn’t let love get in the way of her leadership. At that time, she knew that Bellamy had become more than just a co-leader to her. He was someone she deeply cared about, and she knew she loved him in some way. So, as she stood there, watching him hug Octavia, she hadn’t expected to see the resentment flicker in his eyes, which had cut her deeper than she’d ever admit. Despite the way he was looking at her, she had the sudden overwhelming desire to run to him, wrap him in her arms, and kiss him. It had been a fleeting moment, one that she had chalked up at the excitement of seeing him again.

It was only later she realized that she had been lying to herself. She had felt that same overwhelming urge to kiss him, to hold him in her arms, and never let go. “When?” he asks, breaking her away from her thoughts. “First, when I saw you hugging Octavia after Mount Weather, and then again, when saying goodbye to you before I left our people.” She watches as Bellamy’s eyes widen at her words and there’s a short pause between them. Clarke wonders if Bellamy knows how much of a struggle it’s been for her to keep her feelings at bay, to hide how much she loves him all this time. How much she’s wanted to be with him.

He gently grabs her hand in his and her heart does a flip in response. “Why didn’t you?” Clarke can feel the tears begin to fill her eyes at the memory of feeling like she had no other option but to leave him with a kiss on the cheek, even though she had desperately wanted to show him how much he meant to her by kissing him. Her eyes meet his own tearful ones. “Because I knew it would only make things harder for you, harder for me, if I did.” Bellamy gives her a nod, a single tear escaping his eyes, making her heart ache. Clarke watches as he takes his free hand and wipes it away. “It was still hard, Clarke. Just because you didn’t kiss me, you leaving, still broke my heart. I couldn’t understand how you could abandon me, abandon our people.” The ache in her chest intensifies, as she gently takes her free hand and caresses his clean-shaven cheek. “I know you’ve already forgiven me for leaving, but I just want you to know, that I wish I had kissed you that day. Maybe everything would have turned out differently for us.” Bellamy gives her a tearful nod, wiping away another stray tear. “I wish I could have stopped you from leaving, but I didn’t think you liked me. I didn’t know you were feeling the same way I was.” Her heart stops at his words. “How long had you wanted to kiss me?” He pauses for a moment before he gives her a small smirk. “Since that day in the woods with Atom, when I saw you singing to him, as he died.” She feels her oxygen leave her for a few moments. Had he really wanted to kiss her since then? That was not long after they had first landed on Earth.

Clarke wonders again how different things would have been, if the two would have been honest about what they were, at the time, beginning to feel for each other. She suddenly feels Bellamy squeeze her hand, and her eyes lock with his. “We’ve both made mistakes in the past, Clarke. But now we have the chance to work together to get out of this simulation and have a new beginning. A second chance.” he says, with so much conviction, her breath leaves her again. “Together.” she says, as she wraps herself in his arms. “Together.” he says in response, as he pulls her closer to his chest.

The two stay like that, wrapped up in each other, until a familiar voice reaches their ears. “Clarke, Disciple Blake.” Clarke freezes, feeling a chill run down her spine. She hesitantly releases Bellamy and turns to stand. Cadogan gives her a small smile. “I brought you both here to finish the final step of making Bellamy one of us.” Clarke turns to Bellamy, with a look of fear etched in his handsome features. She watches as he turns his attention to Cadogan. “I’m sorry, my Shephard, but I won’t take Clarke’s life for the good of others. That won’t change.” Clarke’s heart skips a beat at his words, as she takes in his determined gaze. God, she loves this man, more than anything else.

She promises herself she’ll never put him in any danger again, she’ll always try harder to find another way. “I suspected that you’d say that which is why, I have no choice but to ensure your love for each other won’t interfere with the fate of all mankind.” Clarke’s blood runs cold, as Cadogan closes the distance between them. She watches his smug smile widen and suddenly feels sick to her stomach. “You see, Clarke, you’ve already passed the test. This was my way of giving you time to say goodbye to each other.” She feels a sense of fear and anger take over her at his words. “What do you mean, goodbye?” Bellamy asks harshly. Cadogan shakes his head. “When you wake up out of this shared simulation, the Bellamy you are now will be gone.” Clarke feels her legs almost give out at his words. How could this be happening, when they’re so close, when they’re finally together?

A deafening silence spreads throughout the room, as they both try to comprehend what Cadogan has just told them. Clarke turns to look over at Bellamy, who looks terrified _. Her heart aches with the thought of him not remembering everything, not remembering her._ “I don’t understand, my Shephard. I thought there’d be another test.” She looks over at Cadogan who gives Bellamy a fake smile. Another chill runs down her spine at the sight. “This is the only way to save your friends, to save all mankind.” Clarke watches as Bellamy’s jaw clenches and his eyes fill with unadulterated anger. “There has to be another way.” Cadogan shakes his head. “I’m sorry, but it’s time to pull that lever, one final time.” Clarke feels a wave of emotions overwhelm her, as tears start to fill her eyes. What are they supposed to do now? How is she going to go on without Bellamy by her side?

A few moments pass before she feels two strong arms wrap around her. She inhales his familiar scent and the warmth she feels in his arms. “Clarke.” She pulls her head away from his chest and looks up to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry I chose to turn my back on you, on our people. It was my responsibility to protect them, to protect you…” He trails off and Clarke feels the tears begin to fall down her cheeks. “Bellamy, we’ve both made mistakes. I wish we could get back to our people and finally make a life together, but we… can’t…” she hears her voice break and her heart aches. She watches Bellamy caress her cheek and wipe the tears away. “I love you, Clarke. Promise me you’ll make sure Octavia and the rest of our people make it out of Bardo.” he pleads. Clarke gives him a nod, feeling her whole world come crashing down around her again. She had felt the same when he had left her behind on Earth during Praimfya. _Completely brokenhearted, empty, and lost without him by her side._ An ache radiates in her chest and she’s not sure she’s going to be able to survive losing him this time.

Clarke watches as the tears stream down his handsome face and she takes him in one last time. His eyes are sad, but emanating so much love, it makes her forget how to breathe for a moment. His shoulders are full of tension and she wishes she could take it away. He didn’t deserve this; he didn’t deserve to be used as a pawn in Cadogan’s sick game. She feels her tears continue to rush down her cheeks, as she leans up, and connects her lips with his for the last time. At this moment, she doesn’t care that Cadogan is staring at them or that he’s anxiously waiting for them to pull that lever, all that matters is the two of them. They deserve this moment after everything they’ve been through since coming to Earth. Clarke isn’t sure how long they stand there kissing, but when he finally pulls away, she can see how much he’s aching over this.

She wants to make it better, but she knows that’s not possible. So, she tells him the biggest truth in her life, hoping that she helps his heartbreak a little by saying it. Clarke grabs his tear-streaked face in her hands and attempts to give him a small sad smile. “I love you, Bellamy, and I wish we had more time. I wish I would have told you sooner. Maybe things would be different now.” Bellamy shakes his head. “Hey, I could have told you how I felt, it wasn’t all on you.” Clarke gives him an uncertain nod and breaths out in frustration, trying to hold back a sob. Bellamy gives her a small smile before meeting her lips in a brief kiss. When he pulls back again, she can see the determination in his eyes now. “We have to do this, Clarke. Our people are counting on us.” Clarke gives him a nod and the two reluctantly release each other. She feels her heart break at this moment, missing the sense of safety only he can provide her.

Clarke feels Bellamy’s hand interlace with hers and she looks over to see a sad smile playing on his lips. “Ready, Princess?” She feels her heart skip a beat, hearing the nickname he gave her, when they first landed on Earth. She truthfully had hated the name when he had first called her it. But, just like her perspective of Bellamy, the name became endearing to her as well. She gives him a nod in response and the two walk hand-in-hand across the room towards the lever. Clarke feels her heart accelerate as they get closer to the lever. This is it; this will be the last time he remembers her, and it breaks her heart in pieces.

When they finally reach the lever, Clarke’s eyes meet Bellamy’s. At this moment, she knows there’s only one thing left to say. “May we meet again.” She watches the pain in his soft eyes emerge and her heart aches. “May we meet again.” he says, before he brings her hand, still locked with his, up to the lever. As the two begin pulling it down, Clarke feels both their hands grip one another’s, as if it’s their last effort to hold onto the love they share. As they finish pulling the lever down completely, a bright anomaly portal appears, and Clarke feels herself blackout.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please feel free to leave a comment, I really appreciate the feedback.


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